A Self-interview About Me As A Drummer For Star Castle Band

This is sorta pretty weird, but there are some things that I want to express about myself as a drummer for Star Castle Band, and I'm gonna bring it all up through answering my "self-made" questionnaire. For any Star Castle affiliates, you are welcome to read my thoughts here in my blog. However, take note that I'm going to be completely honest with my answers- since this is how "I" feel about being a drummer; for the band.

1.) How has it been going along as a drummer for Star Castle Band? How do you find your band mates?

-It's been great! Band and I had already had our first two gigs. What was so cool about the gigs that I've been is that I've been exposed to what life is like being a band member for my group, and those are the moments that we get to show ourselves to other bands that had already (even to those who are about to) experienced performing in front of a crowd. It was pretty jittery to walk up on stage because most eyes are gonna lay on me and I'm gonna have to appear pleasant to them- well, this is how I usually think when getting exposed to the public and do my thing. I sorta feel nervous that if I make a mistake or unconsciously do something "unnecessary," they'd laugh at me. But musical exposure even to such environments is what I really want! First of all, I love drumming, and I've participated in many recitals which I display my talents in front of many people. All I really want is to gain a recognition as a "great" drummer, who is able to inspire others to play drums very well. Hehe. It just feels really nice to know that there would be people who became great drummers because of you. So, there- I had to do my thing in front of the many bands watching, and simply enjoy the performance. Pulling off a really good show isn't really what mattered to me, though it could be. But what I really wanted was just to simply have fun drumming while being watched by others, and play along with my band mates.

Speaking of band mates, it's been a blessing that I've finally found myself a band. But honestly speaking, it's been pretty recent since I've become part of this band, so if you guys were in my shoes, you would feel the way that I did- like feel "new" to your new set of friends who aim to do a common enjoyed activity. (If any of the members are reading this, now is the open forum for us guys.) Jade, our band's guitarist appeared cocky. The way he talked already gave me that description of him. He'd just declare things that we, as a band, still need to agree upon. But it turned out that he's actually a cool person underneath the personality he displayed on our first meeting. We started our first jam on our first meeting, and it was pretty cool! I was able to display my modest but incredible talent, and I loved the comment thrown to me by everyone. Hehe. Apparently, that's very encouraging to for me to do my part. The first song we played was their original composition titled "DNE" and I was able to fill perfectly into the song, and that includes my own drum solos, and they went perfectly well with the song! So, I had an instant thought that I can stay long with the guys in the band, and make many achievements together.

(I think I wanna profile everyone in the band now, after sharing my impression about guitarist.) Ching was a cool person, and is indeed a cool person! Hehe. I got to know a starter background of her personality when I was on my way to rendezvous with Michelle. She was funny, and pulled out funny jokes while we waited for the rest of the band members coming at a Dunkin Donuts store at SM Manila. She had displayed a lot of energy singing and playing the bass guitar during our jam, and that had set up a lively environment, keeping the atmosphere in the studio lively.

Michelle, just like Ching, is also a cool person. She's funny, full of sense of humor, and I even had an impression of her as the "wildest" member of the group. Hehe. She jokes a lot too, and laughs really hard, and just expresses a lot of things, that would guarantee a fun, loud, and a bubbly environment. What stood up to me during our first jam is that she's indeed loud and guffaws a lot, having fun with the microphone, plays a lot in the studio with the guitars, and do lots of other fun stuff, and that represents her personal "radiance." She's a very happy person, playful, and even cheerful. To be exact, a party girl! Hehe.

Allan is someone pretty laid back (though I already know him ever since we we back in high school). He's just a "cool" person who just sits around quietly with us during our first meeting, and is "simply" there to jam along with us. He catches the songs taught to him by our guitarist very well, and he's just- calm.

After sharing a brief description of each of the members (two of them had already gone at present), it "me" time. Unlike them, I was pretty- uhm.. Intact. Even though I played the drums at a very high level, I appeared gloomy, and I think others had a first impression of me as that, and a serious person. Hahaha! I know that doesn't fit in the band's chemistry, and honestly, I had serious issues that time. And no, I won't yak about them here. Anyway, I was "that" during our first meeting, I didn't intend to be that way (and that was definitely not me), but that was was. I can't explain exactly why, but definitely it was under the influences of my issues. But the succeeding jams made me a bit softer.

2.) What do you like (and dislike) about the band? Would there be anything about the band that you would want to suggest/ change?

-I loved the developing chemistry among us. Not only as a band, but as group friends. To me, it felt like I've finally found myself a "happy family." That time, I was exposed to a very serious environment that came from serious people- and no, I did not intend to be with them, but I had to for the sake of accomplishing serious matters somewhere and elsewhere. And meeting these people with such radiant personalities are slowly cracking the ice that enveloped me. First of all, I liked everyone of the band because of their jolly and carefree personalities, and I felt pretty shy because I'm.. not like them at the moment. I felt a bit uncomfortable because I afraid that I might not fit the band's chemistry. But it's a blessing that each member made me "feel at home"and I felt REALLY comfortable with them. But in the back of my mind, it seemed like it had a price, so that was what made me "slow" to unveil my radiance underneath the ice. But over time, I'm getting to know them much more, and I also get to adapt slowly to their social environment. However, there were also things that turned me off about the band. I don't mean to expose some issues. But apparently, there are three of us remaining. I didn't know what had been going on during the past days that led to the dismissal of the other members. One night, Michelle chatted me about the first band issue: that Allan's not much paid with much attention. I did the favor but the cause was pretty tough to negotiate with. However, I failed. Sadly, Allan left the band. The next issue was worse. Because in a band, there needs to have four members. But Michelle declares her self-dismissal from the band, leaving me and the two remaining. After that, I'm confronted with a great deal of frustration, and I opted to question- and even defy the two. But, I don't know. Maybe it's because that I've known the two members for quite a long time, rendering me powerless for a debate. I wanted to leave the band without them knowing, but Jade just grappled me into staying. Lucky him, he was in time to do that, but honestly, even though he's a close friend, I still have grudges on him. (Dude, if you're reading this, I'm just being completely honest, man. I mean absolutely no offense. What I just want to impose right now is for you to "be there" and be "more considerate" and to be exact, "make each of us feel comfortable being in the band" next time). But that is past, and complaining about it won't do me good. Besides, that issue had already iced up and we all got the justice that we want. So, let's just continue what we enjoy doing as a band, forgive and forget, and look forward to what we want to become ahead.

3. What are you now currently up to, as a member of the band?

-Simply enjoy doing what I enjoy doing, meet (and greet) new faces, learn new lessons, experiences, more gigs- now, we have two gigs coming up this month. One will be at the 7th of this month, and the second will be in the 11th. And we're gonna be recording our "hit" DNE on the 28th. I'm looking forward to be able to record our first song, and I'm pretty excited about it. And yeah, more bonding moments with band mates (hopefully inclusive of the ex-members). I'm also looking forward to Star Castle's recognition which will definitely happen soon, be able to do tours either a nation tour or the ambitious world tour. Hahaha.

Midnight Drama

It's passed 12 in the morning. Once again, I am haunted by my painful past. And all I can do about it now is to puke it out of my mind. Ugh. Christmas Day had passed already, and yet I still feel so cold. I greeted her a merry Christmas. She returned it and I felt good. But somehow, the days continued to pass- and this time, I don't know what to say to her and I feel colder and colder each day.

It was back in November 8 when she and I had last met. Band, she, and I had our first gig at headstock bar, somewhere in Marikina. Yeah, we got to play in front of other bands. Even though we weren't able to put up a 100 percent of our performance, we were left comments by other bands that we played really good- just a bit more practice needed. It sounded harsh, but the constructive criticism is really uplifting, encouraging us to do better next time. It was that night when I got "too" close to her. I was too shy at first, but I realized that I had my arm around her- I meant to walk beside her when we were on our way home. I turned red when she said "bakit?" (Hahahahaha!!! Funny reactions ahead!) And I said "wala lang" with a gulp. But I tried starting a simple warm conversation with her, and- yeah. We just talked simply.

(Sigh. Painful words are coming out in a moment.) The next morning, I checked my phone, and I realized bass girl texted me good night. It also included the thought "Ang galing mo mag drums, drummer boy!" Damn, I felt asleep before I had read the text message, and I would've replied right away. That was the time when I felt so down- failing to make her feel warm. And my issue started with a Facebook courtship. I told her via message that I enjoyed the night- my first gig with her. I told her also that I want to "take another step to her." But the absence of our communications (which I've never anticipated) got nigh, and my agonizing wait for her permission to start a fun, warm, sincere relationship got me blowing up in the inside. So, I searched for outlets and eventually posted real emotional stuff on my FB wall and I deleted them right away right after I feel better. I was really in agony that time- especially when I realize profile updates regardless the response. (Oh, man. I just wanna blame myself for my immaturity, stupidity, and impatience for that- and I think jumping to another scenario's a comfy way to avoid the pain. Ugh.)

Then it was the night before our next band meeting when I texted her about band updates. She replied, saying that she's completely unaware of what had been going on during the long week break from the gig. She told me to ask our band guitarist- since he's in charge of the band's meeting schedules. Then I did what she told me, texted guitarist, told me that our meeting would be at four in the after;noon. Then I texted bass girl that band meeting would be at four. It was really exciting for me to be able to see her again after; all the long agonizing wait, until the next day when she was absent. (It's a natural reaction for me to go insane) So, three of us jammed- and even completed a new song in just one session. Then it was time to go home, check FB to check if she's online. Then the real drama begun. (I gotta take a deep breath first before going on.. Okay, here I go.) I saw her online, so I immediately chatted her. I asked her how her day was- I even told her about the progress that we made in our jam, and it would have been more enjoyable if she was there with us. Hehe. Besides, the band and I were in a complete cheerful mood. And I accidentally made a silly mistake that broke everything between me and her. I knew that time that she's barely enduring her role as the band's bass player, and I've been very supportive to her. I opened up to her about our "bassist mo ako, drummer kita" mutuality. Sadly, she told me to forget about that. (Ouch!) Yeah, I understand that she's just enduring her role as that, which is not her forte. And I tried my best to keep that holding up. After many comforting words, the connection ended.

Next day again, guitarist created an FB page for the band, which included us four. Then he suddenly chatted me that bass girl left the group. I just wanted to thrash my laptop that moment since it was crushing. And bass girl told me that she's officially leaving the band. There was nothing I could say. I understand her, and I respect her decision, so I let it be. That day's night was the second to the biggest "drama night" because that was the time when our connection had to end. (Tsk. I gotta call this quits for now.)

So, the second gig, which was a week ago, was cold. Even though our performance went very well, I still felt.. Incomplete. (Sigh.) If I were to be asked what would my wish be, I would wish that she could at least watch us on our incoming third gig. Just that.

*Logged out!

My Second Gig

Thursday night was a party, in spite of the morning's exhausting prelims. Jade, Ching, and I headed to BKB (Black Kings' Bar) Bar at around 6 in the afternoon after having our last minute practice. We arrived an hour later- thanks to the cavalry left to us by the construction sites at Quezon Ave. What was more of a real pain in the ass was that we rode a taxi from Espana to West Avenue because jeeps would only welcome smokes into our nostrils, and cabs would really take us to quicker routes to get to the gig. Unfortunately, all shortcuts are clogged. Trucks, vans, and others poured into every intersection just to avoid the heavy traffic, and that left the taxi driver no choice but to drive forward into the bottleneck attempting to get ahead of the other cars, while the meter continued to spike up every time. Moving on, there were ten bands that enlisted, and we were the fourth (supposed to be the fifth because the band ahead of us couldn't make it.) There, the gig went without a hitch. I wasn't able to do much warm-ups on the drums. But still, our performance went well, even though there were slight mistakes that Ching (even I) had committed. We started with our original song titled "Wag Kang Maingay", and its pop-rocky melodies and beats had set a groovy mood to the musically "heavy metal" environment. Well, it's nice to play a different genre among the common hard rockers. At least we were able to catch their attention and put on a different feel for them, to say the least. There was this portion of the song that I did a sub-vocal on. I remembered that my pipes itched all the sudden, leading me to choke on my part. I'm not so sure though. but I think I slightly stalled on my drumming part because I also did a sub-vocal part and when I got lost, then my drumming would also be affected. Anyway, what mattered the most is that I kept going on the drums, (since that's my main concentration for the band) and I realized after our performance that I sped up on my drumming, making the others catch up with me. Hehe. It was really cool that they managed to catch up with me regarding my sudden increase in tempo, but I think that was because of the lack of warm-ups before playing our songs. Anyway, we played three songs (actually four, if our experimental sound check counted). We first played our sound check, then two of our most-favored-to-play" songs, then a cover of Flyleaf's "Breathe Today." We received comments from the other bands that we had nice original songs. Hehe. It was another achievement for the band to receive such a nice comment from others. And yeah, we will continue to make much better music for our next coming gigs. After our performance, we sat on our tables to just chill with san-mig lights and watch the other bands play. Uhm, I wanted to sleep after our performance because I was physically worn down, but I had to keep my eyes wide open- of course, its a social event especially to other bands. Hehe. I tried to talk to others, but I couldn't think of anything to talk about. Besides, I was also mentally exhausted that time. So, I just sat there with band mates and have more pictorials (just to keep me awake- for my part. Hehe.) But I was too taciturn during that time and I forced myself to talk and respond attentively to what asks for a response. Hehe. But it's a really comforting thing that they allowed me to be me that time. Hehe. I was too quiet, and that's very evident to them, and yet they let me be. So, there it is: my band's second gig! It was exhausting, but it's enjoyed! Ayt! Blog again soon! :)

Modern Gender Psychology: From My Perspective

I just had breakfast with my sisters, and they came across this topic about what-I-used-to-describe as irrelevant: relationships. They shared a story about their particular friend who appeared as someone cool, and has a girl who really likes him. Then it came out that their guy friend fell "head over heels" for the girl. First impressions last, man! Not all guys can stay like that forever because we pretty much are cool and arrogant on the outside until we listen to how we are feeling inside. (For the current readers: absolute mushiness ahead, you guys might wanna take a detour to the second paragraph if you don't wanna read on.) That explains why that guy suddenly shifted his personality. Besides, he's already revealing his true colors to the other person. But what I found really annoying (and I think I don't want to engage in these situations if ever this mentality of the women is true) is that the girl suddenly turns off towards the psycho shift and leaves the guy sad and post really emotional shit on Facebook. Uhm, I don't know why there are such connotations towards both genders. I saw this sign board in the mall saying that men easily get taunted by women and enslave them forever. I also didn't like the image it portrayed that women follow their minds, and the men follow their balls. No offense. Besides, this is just what I see. Remember the issues of gender discrimination that our teachers taught us before? That was history when the men used to take over the world while the women be their loyal followers. I think the issue did not disappear at all. Judging from the present gender connotations, it tells me that gender discrimination is still there, and this time, the women are taking over. Ugh! I thought we all should view one another as equals? Hmm. Anyway, I'm still cool. But not all persons are like that, I believe. There are just only those who are insecure, giving them this kind of mentality. But whatever. Things don't really matter as much as before to me after learning from the breakfast table discussion of how mentality operates during emotional situations.But one thing's certain: I'm going to stay the way I am. It doesn't matter anymore what people think of me- whether sincere or stupid. Besides, people who thinks that way are just insecure and they are the ones that deserve to be thought as those things. Yes, people are still people, and that's a fact. Live with it and prove to them you are much more mature than they are.

Blogger Starter

I used to blog all my thoughts out via FB (Facebook). However, I find that blogging there isn't really my comfort zone. Everything is exposed to everyone. There are some persons that I blog about and I don't want them to see them. However, even if I hide them, others related to that person sees my blog and secretly shares them to others. The result: gossips. And I really detest those who gossips on my back- especially in a demeaning way. But that can't be helped. Yeah, people are people. And some will always be people who will be "people" to people that may complicate things. It's a good thing that a close friend of mine introduced me to Blogger- at first, I thought Blogger required to submit a telephone or a cellphone number. I didn't feel the feature at first, that's why I didn't start a Blogger account before until today. I revisited this website again, and there were finally changes to it. So, here it is: my fresh Blogger account, and I'm finally free to spill all the shit out of my mouth without worrying about what other people may think of me. Besides, this isn't Facebook anymore. So, cheers to my first account! May you withstand all the fire and the madness that I'm gonna burden you. Blog soon! ;)